The Second Half

Colossians 3:2 Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.

I turned 50 today. I demanded no party, no hoopla’ for I knew the struggle that I have been feeling with this mid-life crisis for the last six months. My thirties and forties really brought no change, but fifty has in my own words, has kicked me in the teeth. Satan has used my battles with anxiety and depression to open the doors to elevated torment; he has taken the battles of the mind to battles of the flesh, spiritual warfare played out on physical plains. Only those closest to me understand the level of my greatest struggles, for they see the pain it brings. The highs of the anxieties bring inner stains that get tighter; and many times are followed by the lowest of lows as the solitude of depression looms, directly relevant to the height of the anxiety. Society wants to fix it with pills, and that is what is wrong with society today, they believe in their own power, not the power of God and prayer. I accept my lot in life, and only seek to draw closer to God as a result of this path he has allowed me to walk upon. “His ways are not our ways, and his thoughts higher than our thoughts,” so I choose to let him keep me humble, such as Paul’s thorn in his flesh that God left to torment him, and I choose to seek him daily as a result of my struggles. “When I am weak, He is strong.”

If I were to die today, my only hope would be that all understood my heart for Christ and the importance of living this life in preparation for the next. As I intercede for friends on the mission fields this week, we talk and pray about the Gospel of Jesus Christ that we share. We cannot preach a different gospel in America that we preach in India or Africa. The gospel in it’s simplest form is the answer to life’s biggest problem, where we spend eternity. No matter our lot in this life, no matter how low or how high, we all must answer to God on the Day of Judgement, and that day determines Heaven or Hell, for all, for all of time. Philippians 2:10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, 11 and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. No matter who, no matter what nation or tribe, no matter what status we have in this life, we all will bow to the same God, the One true God, on that day. Those who have worshiped any other gods will be condemned; they will have broken the greatest commandment to place no other gods before Him. Those who have placed all their energies into this life will see them pass away as they have eternity to regret their decisions. Those who have answered the call of Christ upon their souls, recognizing what Jesus did for them, and lived their lives as his disciples, will pass into the gates of eternal paradise with him to live with Jesus beyond their wildest dreams.

Fifty may have brought painful reflection, but it also has focused my sight. Fifty may have brought pains physical and mental, but it has brought renewed strength for the next half. The second half of my life, I choose to take the first half and learn from it’s mistakes. I choose to become bolder, clearer, and more direct in the call to repent and believe, to live as Jesus’ disciples. God has given me a gift, a minuscule glimpse of the power of prayer, his Word, and his sovereignty. Why would I not spend the second half of my life all for his glory? I want to finish strong, and spend eternity with Jesus, and you.