We Don’t Belong Here

John 17:16 They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.

I had someone tell me recently that my writings have lost their joy; I replied I am not a joyful person right now. I am in a season of darkness, a season of struggle that God is allowing, with a purpose he has not yet revealed. It is maybe a mid-life crisis of sorts, one that has brought painful reflection, not the stir for a new Corvette. My mind constantly ponders, constantly reflects in this season, it is who I am and what I do. As we are entering into our 25th year in business, the business side of me has pondered into a reflection of half my life, and it has been a painful journey.

I am 49, half way through life at best, closer to the end than ever at the least.

My granddad died at 52, likely from the stress of running a small business. I have said I never wanted that to be me, and I am following in his footsteps.

I have nothing to show for investing half my life, pouring my life into my business, only debt, and the constant strain of employees and work related problems.

I have the strength of a 12 year old boy, when in my pride I was always physically strong, and could do whatever I wish. Now even the simplest tasks break me with pain and my inability to perform them.

I live in physical pain to the point I could be hooked on strong medication, it’s why I don’t even take Advil or Aleve daily, for I know I couldn’t stop. I cannot articulate how bad my shoulders and my feet hurt, every, single, day. My physical pain plays a major role in the battle of my mind, the depression.

The roller coaster of anxiety and depression is a lengthy topic, but God allows it, and I do not seek medication to change it; I tire of that advice. I know when I abide with the Lord, the battle isn’t there, it is won. When the world commands my attention, that opens the door for Satan to come at me with the battle of the mind. It is brutal, to the point of tears many do not see way too often. Our enemy is like a lion, preying on the weak. The only solution to this inner war is spiritual strength.

I am extremely unhappy with the place I used to call home. Our family farm is now the city to me, and my biggest desire is to move, or find a retreat in the country. I have been trying for about 4 years to find a way to escape Charlotte, and I will not give up. God wired me for the peace and quiet of the country, and the draw of the woods is genetic with our boys. I know this will help in the battles of my mind, and lower my stress, for I don’t like being home.

I have no church home also, and this pains me greatly. The one I used to call home, where we attend now. has too many painful memories, and I struggle with what I see, and mainly what I don’t see there. Sadly……..

Why do I share with you some of my real, very personal struggles? Because I am no different from you. Except……even in and through all my personal struggles, I do have the inner peace and joy of knowing my Savior, my Lord, Jesus Christ. Knowing that all I face in this temporal home, temporal life, is temporary, and my eternity lies with him in paradise. Knowing that all the battles that I face inwardly and outwardly have flowed through his sovereign hands, understanding he allows them, brings me strength to endure them. Knowing the battles aren’t there when I abide with him, which helps me to understand the importance of spending daily time with him.

You see, God has given me the understanding of one’s heartfelt pursuit of him. He has blessed me with the understanding of what is missing from so many of the supposed Christians lives; how can we call ourselves Christians, or even saved, if we don’t ever seek God with our hearts, and not the religion that Jesus condemned on Sunday’s alone? How can we think that our lip service, our Sunday time allotment, or even our good deeds and money will get us into heaven? THEY WILL NOT!!!!!

ONLY your heart, your true hearts desire and understanding of the grace God bestowed upon us through the gift of his Son, will open the doors to paradise for you. There will be many who sit beside you every Sunday, who you will not spend eternity with. The Bible demands belief and repentance; repentance is a changed life. A changed life begins with time spent daily with him in prayer and his Word. You cannot remain the same person you were the day before, when you spend daily time in God’s Word. He will open up his truths to you, and begin to change you from the inside out. Life will not be a pathway of ease, for you will become an enemy of the ruler of this world. But, you will also begin to realize, you don’t belong here anyway.