Torn
John 14:1 “Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me.
Without going into details, without being any different from your details, I have really been struggling over the last month or so. My list is long and growing it seems; even late night phone calls last night with very bad news. In talking to my two best friends yesterday, I experienced the highs and lows of another two lives. My heart grieves and joys for them both. I am mentally and physically exhausted from the strains of life right now; the strains of only six months of bi-vocational ministry is the hardest lesson in life to date. To have a hearts desire for ministry and be torn with secular work is a burden that is hard to bear; but it is the Lord’s will for this season in my life.
This morning in my two favorite devotionals, my spirit was uplifted. One spoke of this passage above; Christ’s encouragement to his disciples when all the news and all their world seemed to be crashing down. Jesus let them know he was in control of it all. Our sin-filled state keeps us an arms length away from the rest found in His sovereignty. Our tough times in life are seasons of our lives where He does his greatest work. He takes us down roads that we would never travel by choice, but at the end of them is His destination; one we desired, but would never have taken the road of pain to get there. The steeper the mountain, the greater the view once ascended.
The other devotional were of the expectation from spending time with God in his Word. Jeremiah 15:16 Your words were found, and I ate them, And Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart; For I am called by Your name, O Lord God of hosts. I have missed my early morning alone time from the physical exhaustion of late. It was (is) the expectation of hearing from God that gets me up early every day. Yesterday in the midst of struggles with my work load I tweeted; “Satan will use the blessings of business, to torture you with busyness. #toomuch”. The level of spiritual warfare is a subject that demands more than I can expound right now. My prayer is for you to be encouraged in knowing that you are not alone; nothing in life elevates any of your pastors to a level they do not struggle with life too.